Parents are always busy, but having some time exclusively for your kids is absolutely necessary. Most importantly, you need to be focused when your children are talking to you.
Maybe they’re trying to tell you something uncomfortable or ask important questions, and these things shouldn’t be taken lightly.
Active listening shows love, respect, and understanding. And coming from a parent, helps a child resolve emotional problems and form a more positive outlook when things are tough.
Here’s how to give them your undivided attention and make sure they feel seen and valued:
Table of Contents
1. Eliminate distractions
Balancing your work and family life is difficult, but try and stop what you’re doing if your child wants to tell you something. If possible, put away what you’re doing and have a conversation.
It’s okay if you can’t do it at that very moment, but tell them that you’ll talk to them later and keep your promise. It’s very handy to have some time of day when you’ll talk to your kids about their day. Many people do family time at dinner or right after.
However, you don’t have to schedule your conversations. They can happen anytime, anywhere, like on your way to a fun trampoline playground. Just make sure all devices are off and you’re truly focused on one another, without rushing anywhere or multitasking.
2. Stay in the present
Even if you put other responsibilities away physically, you may still be focused on them mentally. However, this won’t result in a deep, meaningful conversation with your child. You’ll have trouble following and an important detail may escape your attention.
This can be very frustrating for the child, especially if they’re trying to tell you something important.
While blocking out other mental processes is hard, this is one of the biggest favors you can do for your child. If you catch yourself losing focus, be honest about it and ask them to repeat what they were saying.
3. Ask thoughtful questions
Asking the right questions that will help them open up is the key. It shouldn’t sound like an interrogation; instead, it should be coming from a place of deep love and acceptance. Show them that you want to truly understand the story they’re telling.
Children are very perceptive and they’ll see right through you if your heart isn’t in it. Asking questions that make sense will reassure them that you’re listening and they’ll be happy to answer.
4. Practice reflective listening
Reflective listening is all about repeating what you’ve heard them say. You can say things like: “This is what I think you’re saying. Am I right?” This way, you’ll be checking in with them to make sure you understand things correctly.
With very young children, you could simply identify how they’re feeling and put it into words. For example, you could say: “This made you angry, I get it.” This makes the child feel understood and appreciated. Sometimes, it also helps them better understand their own thoughts and feelings.
5. Listen with all your senses
To be an active listener, you need to use your hearing, but also your other senses. Take a good look at your child’s face and maybe you’ll see a whole other story they’re not telling you.
Their body language can often tell you more than their words, so be attuned to it. Take them by the hand or hug them while you’re having a conversation. Watch for their reactions and take cues.
They may be in line with what they’re saying, but they’re especially telling when they’re clashing with their narrative. This will help paint a more vivid picture of what the child’s trying to say.
